Exposure

G'day everyone! 

Sorry my posts are so few and far in between; I have been daunted by this one because I have much to share about what I've learned. So beware!

Week 6 covered the Father heart of God. Yes. That is why it is going to take me awhile! This week was definitely the most influential for me personally. It exposed every lie I have believed about God's thoughts towards me. During the week's teaching, I found myself feeling a little confused, my mind was cloudy and I was trying to connect the dots and make sense of what I was hearing. I'm not sure I was really able to do that. I can't even pick out phrases from my notes to share with you! But I do know the truths that God has spoken over me. On the Friday of "application" all the wrinkles in my mind were smoothed. The seams I had sewn so tightly began to unravel. 

I am coming undone, and it's a beautiful thing my friends.

If you know me, you probably know at least a bit about the struggles I keep coming back to. For quite some time I have been trying to reconcile this God who wants to give me good things, to bless me and fulfill me, yet requires me to deny myself and take up my cross. No pun intended, I used to get really hung up on that one. I thought I had to forsake everything that I really wanted if I was to please Him. I think a lot of what caused my troubles was this whole belief that says "Jesus just wants to make you happy! Jesus wants you to do whatever makes you happy. He will give you the desires of your heart (aka whatever you want that makes you happy)." And no, I am not saying Jesus doesn't want me or you to be happy. He does. But His ultimate design is not for me to do whatever pleases me in this life. He created me to be in relationship with Him, to love Him and therefore obey Him. And I want to do that more than anything. But what I have come to realize is that I can get really focused on a certain thing. For example, I would constantly be wondering what was "the next thing," what must I do, what must I give up? So, on that note, I'll share a tidbit of what was prayed over me:

"Sometimes you get into ruts, going back to the same things you've gone through in life. The Father says you are already accepted and you don't have to do things to grasp it. Relax my love. God never gets frustrated with us. It is not a heavy job, it is complete focus on the day; it is not a task and we can never be perfect until the day we meet Him . . . Just be available, that's all He wants. Don't try and push through things you 'think' you have to do . . . You can't fall, you are safe in Him. No more striving or having to be good enough or 'what do I have to do next.' My grace is sufficient . . . If you stumble, Jesus is not disappointed in you, He will pull you back on track, there is no way you could fall off His path. His plans will bring you joy and He will send you to a place of fulfillment . . . God is a God of patience and grace, He wants to champion you, He doesn't want to give you things and then take them away. He wants to give you the desires of your heart."

And there's more good stuff. But I'll leave it at that :). Before the older gentleman prayed over me (well it was Father Heart of God week), I explained what I had been battling with and what I was fearful of. I found myself speaking out that I had been putting the chains on myself. It was I who picked up the burden time and time again. Jesus came to free us, the work is done, He is victorious, we are free and adopted and accepted in the beloved. I am eternally embraced by the Father. Can it get any better?

Whew! Okay, slight change of direction. Immediately after this we partook in "slum survivor" weekend, which is something the Compassion DTS students participate in every year. We set off into the Australian bush with only the clothes on our backs to, as best as we could, parallel what life looks like for one billion people in the world. We split up into our three smaller outreach teams and built slums out of cardboard, some garbage bags, and various tree branches (to waterproof it). We were given a dinner meal of rice and lentils on Saturday night, and ate that again on Sunday morning. We had a limited supply of water that we kept in a bucket outside of our slum. We also participated in these fun little "challenges" where food was awarded to the winning team. We had relay races and played a soccer tournament with a ball that we made out of newspaper and pinecones. My team never won. But luckily the teams who did win were gracious and shared their booty with us :). 

The good-lookin team China.

It was an incredibly humbling and eye-opening experience. We learned that 90% of people who live in cities in Ethiopia live in slums. And I can't remember the name of it, but somewhere there is a city that has only two toilets for 28,000 people. I have more than that in my home. Lord! Where is the justice for these people? May I not stop up my ears to the case of the slum dweller. May I not take pity on them, only to return to the luxuries and comforts of home. And can I help it? It is "what I was born into." We all know that there are more than enough resources on this good earth, more than enough money, more than enough people to help. Where are they? Where am I? We had a lot of time of intercession on behalf of the people living in slums, and also for Christians to be sent out to live and work among them. Who knows? It could be me. Could be you. Jesus is looking for us. Are we willing?

We are also fierce.

And proud of our slum. It was the best of them all. It withstood the phony rain and wind tests like a champ.

Inside our slum! I slept on the cardboard with a blanket. It was kind of a long night.

Next came week 7, which was on lordship. I was a little scared to get into this topic after all the breakthrough I experienced during Father heart of God week. I thought my thinking would turn to the old ways. But God is gracious! It was a challenging week to be sure, but it was good. You get confronted with a lot of tough questions. Is Jesus the Lord of my attitude? Is He Lord over how I respond under pressure? What are the idols in my life, what do I turn to for comfort, what would I disobey God for? What "rights" am I holding onto? I learned that we cannot allow what we think of as our personal needs to Lord us over loving others. Yes, I can say that God made me an introvert. But He didn't make me selfish. So when we die to ourselves, to our "rights," His grace will be released to us! He will grant me the solitude that I desire. He just wants me to relinquish my hold on it first, that's all. When He confronts us with sin, His first response is always graciousness. How can I not trust Him? How can I treat Him like my personal Jesus, to pull out whenever it suits me? How can I not give Him all? I cannot afford to not have Jesus on the throne as Lord over my life. But especially for me, it is important to remember that it's not about striving or being perfect. It's not about hyper-religious activity. It's understanding that God is a consuming fire, and He has the divine right to my life. His intentions, His motives, His purposes for me are good. He is not setting me up to fail. He created me because it pleased Him so. Can I say "aw" without it being cheesy? Because, seriously, aw, God! You are too good. All I need to do is unclench my own fists and accept the fullness of His embrace, withholding nothing. It is surely worth it.

Man, I sure do hope you guys want to hear all this stuff. Now for an update on finances. My expenses, including airfare, accommodation, food, and visa for Nepal and China will be roughly $4,100 AUD. Just this past weekend, our school put on a "sausage sizzler" (aka hot dog stand) and a car wash to raise funds. We made over $2,000 in one day! Many students in my school are still trusting God for all of their outreach fees. On March 5th, we will be participating in a 12 kilometer walk-a-thon around Lake Monger here in Perth to raise money to cover our expenses and be sent to the nations! Would you be willing to pledge to support me in this, either one-time or per/km? 

I have already been blown away by the generosity of my supporters, and I am trusting that God will bring in the rest of our fees, possibly through some of you lovely people! If you would like more information, I'd be happy to give it! If you would like to donate online, you can do so here. Thank you so much for investing in my life in this way, I really would not be here without you. Really.

If you're still awake after all that, and made it all the way down here, I salute you. Thanks for loving me and caring about my goings-on. Blessin's on ya, blessin's on ALL of ya :)

Grace